Finding Someone You Actually Want to Date

By: Dan M Social Hitchhiker (View Profile)

Finding someone who is passionate, interesting, intelligent, funny, positive, compassionate, and confident can be hard work. There are lots of dates where you are left shaking your head—how can you find that person who will finally leave you excited for the next time you see them? The answer is simple. Look in the mirror; are they looking back at you?

The idea of finding someone that I can admire has been in my mind a lot lately. I want someone who will impress me and I can be excited to share in their passions and their growth. My honest fear is that if I find that person, will I be someone who they can admire? Telling myself that I already am, and being confident in my achievements and my self-actualization is of course what I do, but my path of self-improvement is a never-ending task. The question is—are YOU someone who you can admire?

Being good with people and having charisma can be taught in a simple weekend workshop and some good ongoing motivation and guidance. I see it every weekend in the graduates of our courses. However, I often see people plateau on their journey. Their technical conversation and people skills are good, their motivation for improvement is good, but something is still missing. Being admirable.

Here are some ideas for developing an admirable life and personality:

Try something new each week.
Drop in on a yoga class, cook something you have never made before, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or walk around saying “Hi!” out loud to people you pass on the street. New experiences shape the people we are; it even shapes the neural pathways in our brains to think differently. Being successful at new things that you try will also build an immense amount of confidence. Success breeds confidence and confidence breeds success. This is a cycle you can create by having small successes throughout your life.

Manifest positivity.
Studies show that a positive mindset has a significant effect on health and well-being. We all have rough times and negative things that happen to us all the time. Those with positive attitudes don’t deny that there are bad things; they just choose to focus on what will get them where they are going rather than dwell on what will keep them stagnant. Try first just identifying thoughts and actions that are negative and that you want to change, from gossiping about people to restructuring your negative thoughts about yourself.

First identify the negative, then choose to re-write the thought or action into a positive. For example, if I am in a bad mood and start saying I’ll never be successful, I turn it around and say in my head, “No, I choose the positive. I will be successful in getting what I really NEED in life.” Just taking a moment to identify and re-write thoughts or actions that are negative will have a huge impact on how you view the world. In turn, no one will call you Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer behind your back anymore.

Declare who you are and what you want.
Many of the questions there are meant to make you see where in your life you may want to work on. The idea is to sit down and go on a date with yourself. What would be the things that you would want someone to try to find out about you? How are you interesting and admirable? I know for me, a major strike against a woman is when I ask her what she does for fun and she says, “I like to hang out with friends, go shopping, you know, the usual stuff.” Especially the shopping comment; that is like male-kryptonite. Talk about style and fashion sure, but not shopping. We just see money symbols in your eyes when you look at us.

Develop a good social circle.
Ups and downs are part of life. No matter how positive and confident you are, no matter how many exciting fun new things you add to your life, supportive friends and family help us through our tough times. Looking for supportive friends is a skill in and of itself. Start with never turning down and invitation and start inviting people to all those new things you yourself are trying.

Be someone you find admirable and people will not be able to help falling in love with you. Not to mention you just might meet some people who read this blog who are doing the same thing. Okay, well at least people who are trying to be admirable in their own way, too. Be the person you want to date and you will draw the same kind of people to you.